
Stagnancy, procrastination, hopelessness…
But do we know what a sense of self is?
You know when we say I am stagnant, or I feel stagnant, what that means is you are not able to process the pain or trigger and your brain calls for shutdown as a fight or flight response. What all are mostly going through is procrastination, people enjoy watching motivational stuff but when they have to work, they are not able to focus, and hence hopelessness as we see is out there. It is all past traumatic memories that keep playing on your mind on repeat mode, troubling thoughts and how does one break this pattern and heal overall?
As growing up, in the past, we were taught cause and effect but in an apathetic way with conditions and infusing fear in us. For example, if you don’t listen, mom or dad will scold you. If you get good marks, you are a good child. If you don’t do the homework, you will suffer. Surely you will suffer if discipline is not built but there are ways to approach rather than threatening or instilling fear in children, in this way one obtains low self-esteem, and eventually the child loses a sense of self. Now we are healing our inner self we haven’t touched upon boundaries as yet and lack of sense of self gives a ripple effect to vague boundaries which are closely related.
For this particular topic, we need to decipher why procrastination happens…is it perfectionism, low self-esteem, fear of failure, high-stress levels, distractions, deprivation of self-love, too much competition, or judgment? And if at all in your home as a child if you came across these statements like you are not good enough, these marks are poor, etc. So rather than helping you out in your weaknesses or encouraging good things in you – if you are exposed to these kinds of childhood situations then hear me out. How your parent spoke to you, with that same tone of harsh judgment you end up speaking to yourself and that’s how your self-talk was influenced till today but not anymore. But at times situations could be worse like fights at home, conflicts at home, communication gaps, miseries, and compassion are not discussed, when love is not expressed – you become deprived I have seen adults and kids who were achievers one time but now completely torn apart since they could not stop those harsh noises within as well around them. I have seen grown-up adults who couldn’t take their life’s control back for various reasons they are not able to process pain, emotions, and challenges. You can keep checking your emotional report at the end of the day, to check how kind you are towards yourself, whether you were way too pessimistic or practicing toxic positivity – anything in extreme is a red sign. You have to make sure that now you have the power to be a better parent to yourself.
A sense of self means who you truly are. When absorbing lots of abuse for longer periods of time, your sense of self can get tamed to the point you don’t know whom to trust, what to trust, and what not to trust. As abuse gets normalised, the right thing seems wrong and the wrong thing seems good even though your gut would deny, and differ. Your intuition will try to tell you the truth but you don’t want to believe it. Lack of individuality and lack of strength to discover and discern the truth make things worse. Always trying to be someone else, always trying to please everyone, always doubting the real. If any of these situations you came across – it’s time to wake up.
HOW TO EXERCISE OR RECLAIM YOUR SENSE OF SELF?
7 PROVEN SELF-REFLECTION HABITS
- Educating yourself about moral values, ethics, and virtues.
- Learn to say no politely and counter-question rigid belief systems.
- Your life decisions and learning curve to take responsibility.
- A daily habit of journaling (observing your belief systems and patterns of thinking
- Make efforts to connect with good healthy people, connect with mentors.
- Prayers to evolve and excel overall in life.
- Take breaks, brisk walks, and deep breathing practices for a few minutes.

- Educating yourself with moral values, like compassion, honesty, respect, gratitude, etc, with yourself and with others. Lots of things to unlearn and then relearn all the things that we were taught. And you might argue, this world doesn’t operate on that, and it is just a way to sugarcoat to sound cool but reality is far different. But if you are aware you will realise that many people are working on their inner child. Now, people don’t take abuse, toxic masculinity or submissive behaviour is no more accepted. People are observing and reclaiming things for what it is, there is no more filter or lens that denies or glorifies abuse. If it still happens take yourself out into the world where compassion and respect prevail, surround yourself with great minds and you will know what great learnings and pragmatic approach it can offer. And if anyone says, you get what you are, if we overcome and work on our morals then we have the power to say no to the other side of the coin. If we uplift ourselves we can create our protective shield. It can’t happen overnight, rigid belief systems take time to heal but it’s your life only you can change.
When life becomes too tough, you can affirm, “Life is tough that’s why life is beautiful,” and when life becomes overwhelming you can affirm “Life is easy that’s why life is beautiful.” If you conclude with this feeling that you have to catch up with where the world is heading, you need to connect with nature, with the roots literally – first of all you need to understand whom to idolise just because of money you cannot idolise just anyone unless they truly preach morals, values, and ethics.
- We talk about everything social presence, charisma, ability to impress, and whatnot. But people still struggle to say no to situations, people that don’t serve you. That’s because your mind says differently to what your heart demands. If you get swayed away by peer pressure to fit in and fear of being a misfit, then most of your decisions have had influence of other people. I have heard people saying many times that their friends were in commerce so they took commerce as a field. Their friends went to that particular college so they also did the same thing whether they were interested in the same stuff or not. What neighbors are buying, people want to buy the next big thing. But that’s not the way of living and if someone mistreats you like a doormat, punchbag, or garbage – kindly see the truth, kindly believe their actions and if abuse is consistence, learn to protect yourself. People can have influence over you if you are letting anyone into your energy field, especially through contacts and social media it is really easy to fall prey to wrong energies and yet unknowingly or knowingly we let them enter our energy field and that could affect major to subtle experiences till you totally decide to deal with it. In old times, when people could contact us at a distance through letters as technology was not prevalent, to be honest, we were quite safe, unlike today’s case scenario.
It is important to say no when you disagree with particular situations and you have to have a valid reason to explain to as young generation who look up to you and want to learn from you. I see many people have a fear of losing people, cutting people off is important so that you are authentic to yourself and refrain from giving false hopes to people. And when people evolve or improve – then you can accept them back if you want to. If there is a genuine transformation, learning to have a flexible ego as people change and grow anything is possible, but don’t wait for others to change, you improve first and let people learn from you.
- You have to give unconditional love to yourself and that is the step towards responsibilities. Reminders like “Anyway you will do things later, so it’s better to do it now.” Make efforts to understand what are the hurdles, and what pain you are not able to process. Take responsibility for your emotions, anything or anyone that makes you feel in a certain way, realise that people reflect your energy. Everyone around is mirroring you, so remind yourself again and again that “I am responsible for what happens within.” Also, practice affirmations like “A higher sense of responsibility, love, compassion, unconditional love, reverberates within me and through me.”
Many times I also see people trying to fix other people, and you see why this habit or pattern keeps recurring or blaming others for what happened to you. You see we cannot fix people we can only work on ourselves. Also, educating yourself about your self-worth that your self-worth doesn’t depend on external factors, you are always worthy. You can affirm statements like “I was worthy, I am worthy, and I will be always worthy.”
- A daily habit of journaling for self-reflection will do wonders. If we have judgments, disagreements, or disappointments – at one level, it is just you and everyone is busy doing their stuff. Not always everyone will be available, but that doesn’t mean you will stop growing. Maybe sometimes no one will appreciate or acknowledge and we need to check if we don’t acknowledge ourselves or if we are always busy helping others or wasting time sleeping or simply consuming stuff online can leave you frustrated in the end. And gratitude is a must – you know when you live a mindful life, you become grateful at the end of the day ceaselessly.
I have also heard and seen many people getting tired at the end of the long day schedule. And we ought to go to that remote to watch TV or catch another important call. But wait, I want you to take a pause, once you enter the home avoid looking at anything and head straight towards the washroom for a shower. After you return from a relaxing cold water shower, sit with closed eyes, visualise yourself sitting in a forest or garden – as you breathe imagine your cells recharging with light and as you exhale all the toxins of the body are getting absorbed by the earth. And as you relax, after 10 to 12 minutes, sit for journaling. If possible make sure you remain silent before sleeping and after waking up early in the morning for two hours, this would help calm your mind down and organise your thoughts throughout the day.
- It is easy to get into your cocoon or bubble and once you enjoy your company or you are working on that particular project where you want to self-reflect but you also need to know if you can have mentors, like-minded people, and overall happy people, where at times you give, other times you receive. Also, aid people who genuinely seek help from you.
You can prepare a thesis on topics that interest you other than your work and discuss them with your aspiring mentors so that the mentor himself or herself would want to guide you. And having your people around you is like having a superpower you see now potentially toxic people would also not dare to attack you because they know you have support. So as a takeaway from today’s article – etch this in mind that people who are alone get attacked, always surround yourself with highly vibrational, healthy, and uplifting people.
- Early morning still in bed, bring forth whatever possible challenges you will face in a day, and let go of all those baggage off your shoulders with affirmations and prayers, asking for things and qualities that build strength, courage, peace, and balance. Statements like “Universe take all my wounds, all my pain and bless me with compassion and joy,” and “May I remain focused in my work, in my job.”
“Only I can save myself, only I can help myself.” – this affirmation can make you self-reliant. Once you become self-reliant you can rephrase the same affirmation as “I am helping myself and people in need as well” – in this way, you also learn to give so it’s like first you will fill your bucket and then help others.
- Whatever common challenges you will face throughout the day, make a list, and in bed early morning speak them out to the Universe that these are the regular thoughts that can trouble me so you only take care of them. Now, during the day take breaks when needed, when it becomes taxing for you – then affirm the above statements and surrender. You can also attempt a brief stroll, and deep breathing practices for a few minutes throughout the day – use the timer as a reminder, read books, early morning jog, stay close to nature – overall enhance your lifestyle and take initiative.
And have some sports in life where you can unlearn what is not needed with sportsman spirit and channel or transmute your hyperactive energies for the good.
There is so much to unlearn when you start your journey. Happy learning! (Please read other articles as each of these topics is interconnected and coherently related.)