INTRODUCTION
We see emotional neglect more normalised in the past and even today by most people. We often miss the fact that how important it is to bond between people, the immediate family members. When you do not speak, communicate, or bond, that might look like a normal family that provides all the basics. But this could be the beginning of the chaos that will follow later on. I have seen vast examples of emotional neglect, and yes people pleasing traits are included.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL NEGLECT?
It could be dismissing, ignoring, avoiding, labelling, or judging whatever people might feel low or sad. There could be many communication gaps where not discussing things and not acknowledging them could bring forth misunderstanding, as assumptions are drawn. When we talk about people pleasing traits are followed by this kind, because they are more focused on overly pleasing people, so much so that their habits of seeking validation from outside never seem to end. And it could stem from abandonment in childhood and abuse, including lying.
SIMPLE SOLUTIONS
People with suppressed emotions, like adult children, are affected because these children never healed, and everyone must connect with their inner child on a daily basis. The solutions could be so simple yet so overwhelming, which is journaling. When emotions get too tough to handle, it is important to follow this ritual of writing all the triggers and frustration down on paper and burn it, this acts like a catharsis. People who show no improvement or need to try at all should be avoided but it’s difficult to avoid immediate family members – in such situations, it’s important to have clear boundaries and speak about it. Also, praying to ancestors will help, and if there is too much ungratefulness, then one has to live at a distance, as I did, take these tough decisions where I was living away from home, and when things are right, I have to return.
CONNECT WITH INNER CHILD
People at my home have to do journalling and connect with their inner child since both my parents came from families carrying generational trauma. Well, emotional neglect can happen in any situation where one can feel invisible and worthless to an extreme. It can happen with children, old parents, partners, colleagues, etc. If you find people who are left behind, it’s good to talk to them and ask how they are sometimes. These acts of kindness can help people open up. And we cannot wait for someone to ask us, it’s crucial to do that for yourself in your gratitude journal, where you self-validate, and I always stress on it every single time.
WORK ON VICES
Bad habits like mocking, lying, gossiping, ignoring someone’s feelings, people pleasing – the list goes on again, lack of trust, and the worst is not wanting to trust. With all these bad habits, one can never build a healthy relationship with anyone. In the past, people used to call that a skill, but it is derogatory and inhuman today since it is manipulation. For instance, lying is good when it is done for good, and this good could be someone’s personal liking, which could be morally incorrect, and it just becomes another habit that is heavily manipulative.
HISTORY OF HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS
In the past, people had many channels where they could vent out their frustrations with other family members, since there was no internet. Now, everything is scanned and tested, nuclear family on top of that, no siblings, so no space to express or discover your emotions. Emotional neglect can be so tough for an adult to navigate their emotions. Today, people are talking about loneliness and depression, which is even more challenging. Again, it becomes crucial to walk in the grass, stay close to nature and animals to stay sensitive to yourself and others as well. For a long time, emotional neglect was normalised, but today, people have become conscious, aware, and healing has become cool.
RIGHT COMPANY
People who support you and listen to you, surround yourself with such company. It is really difficult for people pleasers, but here is the tip: if you can have genuine conversations, know that those people are your well-wishers, where you can have different opinions but never conflict of boundaries or unnecessary judgment. It is so important to surround yourself with the right people, because you eventually exchange some of the qualities or traits. Also, I have seen people calling self-care oversensitive, arrogant, selfish, and whatnot – you need to have your space, and you can do Ho’oponopono prayer because everyone has their phase till they become aware. Your life is about you, so that you vibrate at a higher frequency and eventually attract good people. It’s important to look at things the way they are; it’s crucial to call out lying as bad, otherwise, people will never learn and understand healthy boundaries.
FEW OBSERVATIONS
I know these healing tools, like spirituality, getting into nature, journaling, and communication, are powerful because I have seen people suffer heavily right from my childhood. And even now, recently, I see examples that shock me as to how emotional neglect can cause damage.
- I have seen parents coming out of emotional neglect, and my uncle, who was schizophrenic who grew up in a dysfunctional family where constant fights and conflict were normal.
- Another example is people getting into addictions and crime, people coming out of a prestigious family who have so good reputation. For example, I recently saw this one teenage girl who was caught stealing gold from home and giving it to some random guy from the streets. She was also caught doing other bad things like taking numbers of other girls and giving them to that boy, smoking, and alcohol addictions as well.
- Another example is where people have trust issues and have never spent quality time with anyone, and think it is a waste of time. Yes, many people fall onto this category where they get disgusted by the word bonding, where they work till they burn out in order to avoid human relationships.
CONCLUSION
Emotional neglect looks very subtle, like they say what’s the big deal but indeed it is because when you make efforts at home that you care for each other’s pain and happiness, your relationships literally thrive. One must understand that your past was a phase, and it’s important to aspire to grow to achieve that level of maturity. It’s doable, so never give up on yourself. Instead of living in survival mode and trying to control others, it’s better to respect, accept, and surrender because there is the divine in everyone.