You know I have two to three stories to share that made an impact on my communication and conversation. In today’s time, we see a communication gap – people are more into their cell phones than interacting with a person beside them. As we perceive, some are vocal and some don’t speak, and conversation becomes uncomfortable if there is no proper response. Honestly, I have been both, extremely talkative to the silent one so I could present these things better.
What actually happens is topics are predicted, answers are anticipated, and you already know what people will say sometimes literally. When conversations are boring, when we say content is the king for a movie that’s exactly similar for even conversations now. When the content is fresh, when you truly want to share something interesting that’s when you grab your audience or the listener’s attention.
If you have observed generic conversations – some talks are either spoken about what others like to hear, some could be complaints, some are news and gossip, some pinpoints for good and some are unkind and disrespectful. Now what does this all have to do with pauses in communication skills, am I diverting from our topic? No, everything is connected with every other thing, the quality of a conversation is reduced to a certain level – a lack of compassion, empathy, and trust. That could be the reason why people lack interest in speaking and just so everyone is glued to cell phones or T.V. Now that doesn’t mean you should never disagree but it means you don’t subscribe to this idea of just agreeing to disagree.
If you observe loopholes in communication you will differentiate between podcasts, interviews, or formal communications and informal day-to-day communication. Informal communications if built on trust can actually thrive our relationships.
How to build trust in any relationship?
FOUR WAYS TO REBUILD TRUST –
1. Speak about their interests which will build potential confidence in the listener.
2. Own a conversation by putting the ball in someone else’s court.
3. Why it matters to express your pain if hurt when in conversation!
4. Build trust with yourself to build trust with others.
- As people, we like it when someone takes interest in what we say, hence finding good things in others and remembering them becomes crucial. An open-hearted conversation where there is caring, sharing what’s in your heart, discussing problems, etc comes naturally. For this smooth conversation, some efforts one has to make – to remember to be honest about what you mean by what you speak even if nobody demands the necessary explanation. And to reciprocate with a nod, with yes, correct, etc; to ensure they know they are heard. Also, one thing to be aware of is that if good lessons are taught then it’s good to get schooled on topics even if you know without framing or unnecessary judgment.
I have come across people who never share what’s in their hearts and I think this habit people have as a protection shield to protect themselves. On the other hand, people who are supposed to not share but share everything so both extreme ways show a lack of trust. Interestingly, one can overshare because of fear that the other shouldn’t think you are lying so eventually you try to win trust. And the other category who doesn’t share much thinks that I don’t trust this person and the deeper meaning behind it is that I don’t want to trust. So, these are the extreme examples which I have outlined. It is good to care if we prepare topics of interest to understand different perspectives to know the art of communication better.
- This proper eye contact, with a smile, and you say it telepathically “You only help me how do I communicate with you?” “How do I interact with you?” So when you let others take that initiative to decide where the conversation should head or lead then people do speak what’s in their heart because now you will listen to them – they know for sure that they will be heard. If you observe you will know the flow and interest in the conversation increase whether we have command of a specific topic or not and with that thought in mind you will figure out how to prepare and do research for a proper conversation on that specific topic in the future.
Even before you commence speaking with this approach and statement “You help me how do I communicate with you, how do I interact with you?”, you organically pause and this silence becomes a bridge that helps to grab attention as well as the complete focus of the listener. Now this initiative gives room for the guest with whom you are supposed to speak that they are invited, which means they will be heard. You see many times, both parties speak altogether with each other and both speak at the same time and stop at the same time. Also, possible that just one person wants to speak and the listener just wants to run away for various reasons like it could be boring if the other party is not allowed to speak even if the topic could be fresh or interesting. So, pauses in communication are that important.
Now how do you own conversation, you own it by giving balls in the other hands, which doesn’t mean that you will not have your opinions spoken out loud. It means you let others decide to initiate and that gives freedom to open up, where you also give a chance to evolve and listen as you see you are heard you will notice changes. It doesn’t mean always winning a conversation sometimes you disagree, and at times you try to understand another perspective. This helps you realise or discover many new things as you will not speak or agree to disagree you speak as a keen student who is willing to learn and you will see everyone would want to talk to you. Also, you will enjoy silence and pauses. Sometimes not telling everything is important so that people learn on their own. Also if anytime you have a query – ask yourself first by saying “Aham Brahmasmi” which means the entire Universe is within me. In this way, you protect yourself from over-speaking or people-pleasing.
We learn to build trust without any expectations, another important thing to remember is not to speak just to impress, speak about your opinions too. Build trust in yourself, and what you project do you really preach the same, this self-analysis is important for confidence. Promises that you make to yourself do you find success in them, do you practice what you say? Also, don’t shut people off at least you can present yourself, also don’t force people to agree with you – a few differences are essential.
- It is important to tell that you are hurt through your facial expressions or verbally. You can even ask questions if you are in doubt or reassure someone’s statement by asking what you mean by that but in a retrospective way with kindness. When you do things immediately without doing tit for tat or holding onto grudges – you build trust and your bond grows eventually. I remember once I just assumed when one of my cousin chose her career and I just happened to misunderstand. But she followed me to the kitchen and enlightened me saying that she is really interested in that field and also there is a scope too, which I would have never known that ground reality. And with this example, I want to conclude that sometimes we need to take initiative and clarify a few things for our sake rather than feel bad and think O, why do people misunderstand? And to do that you have to stop assuming things about people, norms about the world.
Whenever having conversations with people you can telepathically affirm like you only help me as to how do I communicate with you, how do I interact with you? Even during heated arguments where some people always agree to disagree, you can chant the same mantra “You only help me how do I interact with you”, also “You are loved unconditionally,” with these statements and our power of kindness – people could calm down.
If you are hurt it’s important to not hide, it’s important to show pain sometimes either through facial expressions or asking questions about what they truly mean. If they taunt you, you can just telepathically say, “I understand your pain.” It’s like acknowledging that there is concern behind that anger from which this argument started. It is about how to build trust in communication whether it’s a stranger or a close acquaintance.
- Before we head towards the fourth part. Let’s recap a few steps once again, the first part is to build trust, the second is to build interest, and affirmations that will help to have a natural pause and silence in communication. The third is to express when hurt, which could revive trust and communication skills as well as relationships. Fourth is to have an impact on our lives with better communication skills.
As we observe and seek help we need to comprehend that if we don’t speak with a fresh perspective it will mean that we are holding onto previous impressions of the past comments. You know as we evolve we also learn to correct mistakes in ourselves and mature, and that’s the best thing about life. We mature, we evolve, we fall and learn. Similarly, building trust with ourselves is important too. I have personally seen myself being too strict when unable to fulfill promised goals so as we grow when we bring kindness into our life, and be courteous to ourselves eventually we learn to be kind to people as well, and that gives chance to build better relations.
Of course, don’t shy away from asking questions when in doubt to understand something particular when needed. For casual or formal conversations or just normal conversations with people with whom you are familiar or not – conversations can build a network. A network of good people could be equivalent to family as well.
Life is too short yet repetitive, if you think you can avoid a specific person you will find similar people everywhere, as we realise more or less everyone wants the same thing. So, good or bad everyone is capable of making mistakes, you could build relationships with whom you see your growth and progress. We as a society have to make efforts towards building trust with each other and restoring faith.