My History
Many people can have grudges against parents, and the reasons could be serious, like a dysfunctional upbringing and too many fights while growing up. If the family still survives together, it is a sign that it was meant to be, not because of codependency but because of love. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my grandmother grew up without any of her parents’ love. Her parents passed away when she was too young. And when she became a mother, she had so many suppressed emotions that she didn’t know how to heal and would end up fighting with my grandpa, and that too because she would listen to some nonsense from people that had no meaning, again a sign of a people pleaser. And this toxic behavior affected her three children, including my uncle, who then became schizophrenic; my father, who was attachment avoidant; and my aunt, who is not in touch. So, this kind of dramatic pattern, I also see in close relatives more or less.
Truth Seeking
I was reluctant to forgive until I started looking for healing. It was not easy, but spirituality helped me gain my trust back with my family. I had been asking my parents to seek healing, and they were not ready to heal, and yes, healing could be way too overwhelming. But once you jump into it, you realize healing isn’t an alien thing. When you do yoga, you are aligning with cosmic geometry, and your chakras are opening. When you attend a silence program or choose to stay silent once a week, you are reprogramming yourself. When you go to the temple and sit to meditate or do a chant mantra on a daily basis, you are healing yourself effortlessly.
Healing As Priority
Today the lifestyle is poor; doomscrolling and passive ways of life are taking away all of your energy. And I was an atheist, so I wasn’t doing any pooja, japa, or meditation. But I realized that I was more interested in listening to discourses on spirituality, narcissism, psychology, etc. As always, I want to know meaning and purpose before I get into things. When you are an intellectual person, you want to know the science behind things, which is indeed a good virtue. The truth is that you want to live an authentic life; this itself shows your conscious efforts to get started with your healing journey. I have been writing a lot, and like many other blog posts, I talk about growth and mindset on a practical level. And many other things I put on my YouTube channel (Shiva Kali Portal), which is all about spirituality. Here, on the website, I speak about practical ways of improving, and on YouTube I talk about spiritual ways to deal with the similar problem. I suggest you check that out.
Respecting Parents
Now today’s topic of our blog post is all about respecting parents. When you grow old, you are nothing but an extended version of the people you live with, especially parents. That’s why it is important to forgive your parents so that you do not become like them. Yes, if you do not forgive, there are high chances that you might become bitter just like them. But you have to understand that every generation has its pros and cons, which means people in the past were busy fulfilling important needs; hence, most of them couldn’t come out of survival mode. Unlike today, where we have the internet and can learn a lot about inner child healing and its benefits. In the past, there was no internet; also, people used to live in fear and could be carrying generational traumas such as addictions, patriarchy, women who were codependent both emotionally and financially, etc. But today people are aware; nothing can be hidden anymore—everyone can find out what is happening in the world.
Receive Blessings
If you do not receive blessings from your parents, it will come under ancestral issues in the future. Now I know you will say that parents are no more behaving like elders; they themselves are doomscrolling and have other addictions like alcohol. People-pleasing could be another addiction, and there are many other toxic traits like constant fights and abuse, controlling issues, etc. In my previous blog post, I discussed the importance of respecting children and accepting them as they are for who they are. Here we as children also have to accept our parents for who they are even if they show toxic traits because I wanted a change in my parents so that they could choose healing, but it didn’t work. I come to this conclusion: I said that either you choose healing, or I will leave. Since I am their only child, my parents were not ready to let go of me. But I stood firm and strong, and I left for my good and my parents’ well-being. And when they choose healing, I return—I don’t care about the society. If the society is patriarchal, they hate bold women anyway. Moreover, society is formed with individuals, and it is everybody’s responsibility to live and let others live. Nobody wants to live on breadcrumbs anymore. Yes, I took critical decisions in my life, because if there is no bond in the family, then people want to spend time with toxic friends outside and stay more out of home, again, people-pleasing behavior, which is heavily dangerous.
Receive Love
I have seen many elders who are not at all ready to receive help because they think, “Why trouble other people?” It is good to lean on people who are not other people; they are your family. It is a way to show love and care—it’s crucial to receive love. It’s okay to be vulnerable; it doesn’t mean that you are weak because at the end we all are codependent. Communicating compassion is really crucial; otherwise there will be a lack of bond, trust issues, narcissistic traits, controlling behavior, and much more coming to the surface. You can experience it yourself; give a hug to your parents whether you are a daughter or a son. If you are a son, have zero tolerance for toxic masculinity, and hug both of your parents. You don’t have to wait for that one happy moment; you are their children, and you have an advantage to begin with that gesture with humility, love, and compassion—there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
My First Hug To My Grandpa
There was this one incident when I was young; I was in my neighbor’s home. My friend’s grandfather confused me for his granddaughter and hugged me. And that was the first time I received a hug. I was shocked, but I knew my grandfather was old, sweet, and kind, and he immediately confessed that he confused me for his granddaughter. Much later, one day, I embraced my grandfather, and I saw the same shock of excitement and overwhelming awkwardness when I hugged my grandfather, but soon he cherished it, and we clicked some selfies. Later I realized that I missed so many little sweet moments with my grandfather—I wished I could have embraced him more. And now, I try to hug both of my parents every day and you will see the improvement in your relationship with them.
Love Is Contagious
I also try to help them with head massages; also, a hug is a must. Daily I ask them how they are doing today and what they are doing today. Also, help them in their work, and eventually they communicate what’s in their heart—communication is the key. My relationship with my parents was like a rollercoaster; with spirituality, what I thought was impossible became possible, which is forgiveness and giving first rather than expecting. I also ask forgiveness from my ancestors, grandmother, uncle, and grandfather, both maternal and paternal. Ho’oponopono prayer for all the ancestors you can say day in and day out is a must. I also make sure to carry a smile on my face, because a smile has the power to boost your mood and happiness. Love is contagious; spread it as much as you can. Educate and heal, a mantra to life. Rise and shine always.